Parenting

Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (Or Anyone Who Acts Like One)

Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (Or Anyone Who Acts Like One)

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  • Create Date：2021-10-13 09:53:50
  • Update Date：2025-09-06
  • Status：finish
  • Author：Deborah MacNamara
  • ISBN：0995051208
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Summary

Foreword by Gordon Neufeld， PhD

Based on the work of one of the world's foremost child development experts， Rest， Play， Grow offers a road map to making sense of young children， and is what every toddler， preschooler， and kindergartner wishes we understood about them。

Baffling and beloved， with the capacity to go from joy to frustration in seconds， young children are some of the most misunderstood people on the planet。 Parents and caregivers struggle with these little ones， who are known for their extreme behaviour， from tantrums， resistance， and aggression to separation anxiety， bedtime protests， and not listening。 The key to understanding youngsters lies in realizing that their challenging behaviour is not personal， nor is it a disorder or deficit。

Based on science and the relational developmental approach of renowned psychologist and bestselling author Gordon Neufeld， Rest， Play， Grow reveals how critical adults are in shaping the conditions to ensure young children flourish。 This is the story of how young children develop， from their intense need for attachment and the vital importance of play to discipline that preserves growth。 Engagingly written， with compassion for its subjects and rich with stories from them and their parents， Rest， Play， Grow will forever change the way you think of the preschoolers in your life。

Dr。 Deborah MacNamara is a clinical counsellor and educator with more than twenty-five years experience working with children， youth， and adults。 She is on faculty at the Neufeld Institute， operates a counselling practice， and speaks regularly about child and adolescent development to parents， childcare providers， educators， and mental health professionals。 She continues to write， do radio and television interviews， and speak to the needs of children and youth based on developmental science。 Deborah resides in Vancouver， Canada， with her husband and two children。

Praise for Rest， Play， Grow "Rest， Play， Grow notes the preeminence of early parent-child attachment in optimal development， and it passionately affirms the primary value of play to children's well-being and creativity。 --Raffi Cavoukian， singer， author

"This book is developmental science translated into practical love。" --Gabor MatE， MD， co-author of Hold On to Your Kids

"This is a must-read for every parent of a preschooler or younger。 Read this and you will truly be your 'kid's best bet。'" --Kristy Pillinger， editor-in-chief of Nurture Parenting Magazine

"Deborah has translated the beautifully chaotic world of being a preschooler。 If there is only one book you should read as a parent， this is the one。" --Traci Costa， CEO of Peekaboo Beans

"This is not a quick-fix script but， instead， presents a road map to better understand this amazing age in all its glorious imperfections。" --Keyvan Hadad， MD， pediatrician

"Rest， Play， Grow is a refreshing reminder of the importance of slowing down and allowing children to mature at their own pace， unhindered by societal expectations。" --Lori Petro， TEACH through Love

"Dr。 MacNamara truly has the gift of writing， always grounding concepts in very relatable moments from her life and work as a researcher， professor， counsellor， and， of course， parent。" --Genevieve Simperingham， Peaceful Parent Institute

"Finally， a book for parents of young children that weds neuroscience and attachment research and is consummately useful！" --Sil Reynolds， co-author of Mothering and Daughtering

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Reviews

Phaedon ，

I think this is an important book for parents of young children to read， but it isn't without its flaws。 I do think that MacNamara does a competent job of emphasising what the real task of parenting is。 She explains well why the focus should be on connection （attachment） rather than instruction。 She also does a nice job of reminding parents why traditional approaches to discipline may not work。 I think she reminds us to be sympathetic to the young human's condition。 Much of this seems to be repa I think this is an important book for parents of young children to read， but it isn't without its flaws。 I do think that MacNamara does a competent job of emphasising what the real task of parenting is。 She explains well why the focus should be on connection （attachment） rather than instruction。 She also does a nice job of reminding parents why traditional approaches to discipline may not work。 I think she reminds us to be sympathetic to the young human's condition。 Much of this seems to be repackaging of material from Gordon Neufeld， a fact that she doesn't try to hide。 I surmise that part of her goal with the book was to make these lessons more digestible for sleep deprived parents of toddlers。 I certainly found it full of helpful reminders of how to approach my relationship with my son。Still， I couldn't help having some mixed feelings about the book。 When I read through my ~100 Kindle Highlights， I felt a lot more positive about what I gleaned than I did as I read through the full work。 Perhaps it was simply a question of the quality of the writing。 It isn't the most engaging。 I found the tone a bit saccharine， and that made reading it for long stretches unappealing。 I also found many of the anecdotes and quotes from parents a bit implausible， perhaps even inauthentic。 I think they were either heavily paraphrased to fit the message or she found some of the most ingenuous parents out there。 Whatever the reason， I found those parts of the book relatively un-relatable。Still， I think this is one of those books that you just have to sift through to find the gold。 It's there。 。。。more

Khrystyna Kolesnyk ，

Мені подобаються багато послань цієї книги， тому 5*:- дитина готова піти за тим， кому належить її серце （так і з дорослими， як на мене）- діти зрощують зрілість у своїх батьках， батьки зрощують зрілість у дітях。 Якщо бути точнішим - вони є провідниками до зрілості - через свою турботу， присутність， м'яке серце- м'яке серце батьків зрощує м'яке серце дітей приймаючи вразливості， недосконалості， і людську природу。 Мені подобаються багато послань цієї книги， тому 5*:- дитина готова піти за тим， кому належить її серце （так і з дорослими， як на мене）- діти зрощують зрілість у своїх батьках， батьки зрощують зрілість у дітях。 Якщо бути точнішим - вони є провідниками до зрілості - через свою турботу， присутність， м'яке серце- м'яке серце батьків зрощує м'яке серце дітей приймаючи вразливості， недосконалості， і людську природу。 。。。more

Mariia Karnaukhova ，

Наразі найкраща книга про дитячу психологію і виховання， яку я читала。 Після прочитання набагато краще розумієш поведінку дитини і як правильно реагувати в різних ситуаціях。

Laura ，

It’s ok。 I mean I don’t have kids so I wouldn’t know how well these techniques actually work。 The whole “be the alpha” thing makes sense but it’s a little quiverfull/“real Christian men lead their wives” for me…also it’s pretty much 100% based on some course the author took （with illustrations that look like they came out of a PD powerpoint presentation） so idk how widely accepted these views are。 It was interesting though

Heidi ，

I really liked this book and thought it gave a great understanding of young children and attachment。 It's a little lacking in what this type of parenting looks like in the nitty gritty if daily life - I'd suggest Peaceful Parent Happy Kids or How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen as great companion books that go into detail on the practical daily life aspects。 I also wish this included info on the implications of attachment on neurodiverse children。 I really liked this book and thought it gave a great understanding of young children and attachment。 It's a little lacking in what this type of parenting looks like in the nitty gritty if daily life - I'd suggest Peaceful Parent Happy Kids or How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen as great companion books that go into detail on the practical daily life aspects。 I also wish this included info on the implications of attachment on neurodiverse children。 。。。more

Roxanne Marshall ，

I have read far too many child development books as of late。 I wish I would have read this one first。 This book hit the nail on the head。 Secure attachment， not expecting children to be little adults and tending to them like a garden。 （I love gardening） I will be buying this book and rereading it as my almost 18 month old grows。 It is a great informative read and helps reaffirm my thoughts on parenting and children。 I love the concept of collecting。

Katy Smith ，

If you are parenting a preschooler， this is a must read。

Nicole C ，

Great book with insights on parenting through an attachment lens。 Definitely recommend for anyone who wants to learn more about raising kids。

Brit Stanford ，

My favourite book on raising young kids。 Massively helpful。

Jess M。 Samuels ，

Very well done book about understanding our kids， and working with them， where they are， instead of expecting something they are not ready for。 Lots of good take-aways and highly recommend for other parents。

Rebecca K ，

My favourite thing about this book is that it is the one parenting book that makes the conscious point that children need to experience the hard emotions that come up in life。 I think the main thing wrong with the reality of parenting today is that parents try to placate and smooth over any internal difficulties that arise。The first difficulty in life I see parents often don’t let their infants experience is the pain and discomfort of teething。 If you are incapable of letting children experience My favourite thing about this book is that it is the one parenting book that makes the conscious point that children need to experience the hard emotions that come up in life。 I think the main thing wrong with the reality of parenting today is that parents try to placate and smooth over any internal difficulties that arise。The first difficulty in life I see parents often don’t let their infants experience is the pain and discomfort of teething。 If you are incapable of letting children experience their inner turmoil they will grow up into adulthood without the ability to work through their own feelings。 。。。more

Jennifer Neil ，

I'm a big fan。 I mean the book is a little dry if you don't have an interest in learning about brain development and behaviours but it fills the missing piece for parents in a way that is concrete and make sense。 It is filled with helpful guidance and antidotes and reasonings for what we are ALL experiencing。 I've referred to this book in conversation about a dozen times。 Thank you Deb for writing this handbook to the early years。 I'm a big fan。 I mean the book is a little dry if you don't have an interest in learning about brain development and behaviours but it fills the missing piece for parents in a way that is concrete and make sense。 It is filled with helpful guidance and antidotes and reasonings for what we are ALL experiencing。 I've referred to this book in conversation about a dozen times。 Thank you Deb for writing this handbook to the early years。 。。。more

Meg Pileggi ，

Breathe of fresh air！ An eye opener book。 I would not recommend for leisurely reading。 It is academic and requires critical processing and thinking

Amber ，

This was a book I needed to read。 I had already come to this parenting philosophy after reading “Whole Brain Child” and “No Drama Discipline” （the author of which is quoted in this book at one point）。 However I really struggled to defend my parenting strategies and techniques with research and reasoning。 This book helped me do that which allowed me to have the confidence I needed to parent in such a loving way。 There were a few contradictions， which would be hard for me to explain to anyone who This was a book I needed to read。 I had already come to this parenting philosophy after reading “Whole Brain Child” and “No Drama Discipline” （the author of which is quoted in this book at one point）。 However I really struggled to defend my parenting strategies and techniques with research and reasoning。 This book helped me do that which allowed me to have the confidence I needed to parent in such a loving way。 There were a few contradictions， which would be hard for me to explain to anyone who hasn’t read the book。 Overall though， it is a great book: one that I definitely plan to recommend to other parents along with the ones I mentioned above。 。。。more

Tom Harper ，

Every parent and early years educator should read this。

Alena ，

Не так хороша， как книги у Юлии гиппенрейтер， но прочитать полезно。 Достаточно полно раскрывает тему теории привязанности и воспитании детей на ее основе。 На мой взгляд， эта лучшая основа для выстраивания отношений с ребенком。

Liesl Baart ，

LOVE this book。 Best parenting book I've ever read and it totally changes how i interact with my kiddo for the better。 LOVE this book。 Best parenting book I've ever read and it totally changes how i interact with my kiddo for the better。 。。。more

Larisa Capatina ，

The best book I’ve ever read about parenting。 It makes me feel calm and confident at taking care of my children。 Every parent has to read it， no matter what approach they take in their families。

Caitlin M。 O。 ，

I found this book to be a satisfying and helpful description of the role of attachment in raising young children。 There are many ideas that strike me as important in shaping one’s attitude towards being a parent， such as the nature of their challenges having to do with immaturity rather than manipulation; belief in a child’s innate goodness and desire to be good; parents’ job is to cultivate children’s healthy development like a gardener rather than the crude behaviourist technique that seems to I found this book to be a satisfying and helpful description of the role of attachment in raising young children。 There are many ideas that strike me as important in shaping one’s attitude towards being a parent， such as the nature of their challenges having to do with immaturity rather than manipulation; belief in a child’s innate goodness and desire to be good; parents’ job is to cultivate children’s healthy development like a gardener rather than the crude behaviourist technique that seems to predominate today。 To that end， the emphasis on the importance of always maintaining a strong， loving connection with one’s children regardless of their behaviour particularly resonated with me， as I， like a parent she describes in the book， experienced the extending or withholding of parental approval （and with it the feeling of being loved） based on whether I had behaved appropriately or not—a source of pain and insecurity that affects me to this day。 I hope my kids will be able to “rest” in a way that I never could as my husband and I convey our unconditional love for them。 At the same time， I have seen a lot of unconditional love that seems to go hand in hand or get mixed up with （what I find to be） overly permissive parenting， and have wondered how to navigate that。 I found the exploration of the parent taking an “alpha” position， how to discipline without dividing， and how to help a child adapt to the futilities in life was particularly helpful for me in this respect。 I found the tone of the writing to be quite accessible， not overly academic （though I appreciated that sources are given in many instances）， and it felt warm， compassionate and non-judgmental。 The anecdotes sprinkled throughout were relatable and helped make the ideas more concrete， and I wish there had been more of these， as well as a more structured and elaborated presentation of the various strategies， as I often felt like these were being mentioned in a very high-level way。 However， I suspect the intention was also to avoid giving overly specific advice， which I also appreciate， since a big part of the book’s message is that as the parent you are your child’s “answer” and “best bet” and that it is not just what you do—through your own intuition and best efforts， though necessarily imperfect—but also who you are to them， that matters。I expect that I will come back to this book on many occasions in the future for fresh insight as well as reminders when I feel like my parenting has gone off course。 I would recommend it to any new parents or parents of young children as a very well-rounded guide to establishing the right kind of relationships with one’s kids。 。。。more

Oksana Stetsiuk ，

Книга на основі теорії привязаності Гордона Ньюфелда。 У книзі пояснено основні кризи， фрустрації， періоди дітей - і наведено певні шляхи вирішення проблем。 Ти розумієш， що всі плачі， агресії і істерики - це один із щаблів розвитку， і часто саме від нас， дорослих， залежить， як дитина пройде той чи інший рівень。 Діти потребують дорослих більше， ніж своїх ровесників。 Діти потребують дорослих， які про них піклуються， які є для них "альфою"。 Діти потребують дорослих， які їх люблять і будуть поруч， по Книга на основі теорії привязаності Гордона Ньюфелда。 У книзі пояснено основні кризи， фрустрації， періоди дітей - і наведено певні шляхи вирішення проблем。 Ти розумієш， що всі плачі， агресії і істерики - це один із щаблів розвитку， і часто саме від нас， дорослих， залежить， як дитина пройде той чи інший рівень。 Діти потребують дорослих більше， ніж своїх ровесників。 Діти потребують дорослих， які про них піклуються， які є для них "альфою"。 Діти потребують дорослих， які їх люблять і будуть поруч， поруч з якими можна і посміятись， і поплакати。 А здорова прив'язаність і здорові стосунки між батьками і дітьми ведуть до того， що дитина сама хоче бути чемною для батьків。 。。。more

Oksana ，

Attachment is the key。 A must read for anyone trying to understand early years struggles

Ian Rapson ，

I listened but probably not half。 I don't remember why I stopped。 Maybe try again？ idk。 I listened but probably not half。 I don't remember why I stopped。 Maybe try again？ idk。 。。。more

Beatrice Leseigneur ，

Very interesting readx for people with /or who works with preschoolers。 It explains so much

Rai ，

"As a parent said to me （the author）， 'I was moved when I learned about the insecurity that comes when a child needs to be good to keep the attachment （to a parent）。 They no longer have the luxury of wanting to be good。'"~Deborah MacNamaraAs the title states this book is great for any parent or primary caregiver with toddlers / pre-schoolers。 I like how the author suggests guidelines for dealing with situations and doesn't get bogged down by the circumstances the child is brought up in - meaning "As a parent said to me （the author）， 'I was moved when I learned about the insecurity that comes when a child needs to be good to keep the attachment （to a parent）。 They no longer have the luxury of wanting to be good。'"~Deborah MacNamaraAs the title states this book is great for any parent or primary caregiver with toddlers / pre-schoolers。 I like how the author suggests guidelines for dealing with situations and doesn't get bogged down by the circumstances the child is brought up in - meaning single parents， divorce， etc。 This book challenges the common belief system: a parent's job is to control his/her child。 And it does so by informing us of what is happening with children before the age of 7 years。 It comes from a place of understanding them and what they need to become a mature adult and what we can go to guide them through the process during these years。 The author also adresses sensitive children。 Overall， this is a fantastic book for this age and it took me a while to finish it， well， when you're a parent reading a parenting book， pauses are needed and I am so glad I plugged through as the information is so valuable。 。。。more

Kisha Johnston ，

My daughter is 4 and this book really helped us figure out how to work through some issues。 I appreciate the approach of empowering parents to trust their intuition and understand their children！

Mariaya Quigley ，

Fantastic！Very insightful！ This book 100% changed how I looked at parenting。 Highly recommended for any parent or caretakers looking to connect with their children。 This book walks you through gracious parenting and continuously reminds you that it’s not easy but that every day is a new day to be better。

Alison ，

Rest， Play， Grow deserves 100 stars。 The importance of nurturing the parent and child attachment shines through。 Some of the ideas that reached me personally were of being a leader and the child's answer， collecting a child before transitions （lovingly in their face， connecting with them）， showing that you delight in them， and allowing them emotional rest in the relationship， so that they are free to play and grow。 Also， that the immaturity of children is a natural unfolding of the development o Rest， Play， Grow deserves 100 stars。 The importance of nurturing the parent and child attachment shines through。 Some of the ideas that reached me personally were of being a leader and the child's answer， collecting a child before transitions （lovingly in their face， connecting with them）， showing that you delight in them， and allowing them emotional rest in the relationship， so that they are free to play and grow。 Also， that the immaturity of children is a natural unfolding of the development of a human being。 Yes！ A thousand times yes。 Rest， Play， Grow is outstanding， and can apply to children of all ages。 *Updated Review*I have now listened to this audiobook three times， and it continues to hold my highest recommendations for all parents and those who care for children。 。。。more

Dan Stone ，

Transformative in how to approach parenting a toddler。 RIP timeouts。

Joel Bain ，

An extremely insightful and thought-provoking read。 McNamara does a fantastic job of synthesizing and presenting Gordon Neufeld’s attachment parenting model in a way that feels tangible without being a list of do this and don’t do this。I loved how she essentially makes the argument that our children are not broken， they are just immature—they are just in a stage of life in which immaturity is inevitable and to be survived。 Too often we adopt a Skinner behavioralism in which we think we need to f An extremely insightful and thought-provoking read。 McNamara does a fantastic job of synthesizing and presenting Gordon Neufeld’s attachment parenting model in a way that feels tangible without being a list of do this and don’t do this。I loved how she essentially makes the argument that our children are not broken， they are just immature—they are just in a stage of life in which immaturity is inevitable and to be survived。 Too often we adopt a Skinner behavioralism in which we think we need to fix our kid and that they are hell bent on breaking us。McNamara offers instead that our children live in a world of uncomfortable emotions and situations whereby they are struggling to not only make sense of it all but how to interact with others whilst in a state of emotional discord。 The greatest thing a parent can do is be come alongside and provide comfort and reassurance against the futilities of life， but only after they’ve come face-to-face with that futility。 It isn’t the parents’ job to coddle and insulate a child， nor to push down the child’s emotions。 Instead it is to acknowledge them and guide them in how to process those emotions or emotional outbursts without feeling the need to make every moment either a teachable moment or a hill to die on for the parents’ sake。Even in the few weeks that I read Rest， Play， Grow， I saw a marked difference in how I was able to handle my little guy’s defiance and counterwill。 Instead of looking at him like I needed to break some of his seemingly “anti-social behavior，” it really inspired me to come alongside of him with compassion and understanding for what he was going through， whether it be his 0-60 emotional rollercoaster or the futility of life in having to be told no。 He responded amazingly well and often those moments led to more connection and attachment， seemingly further solidifying our already close bondI strongly encourage you to give McNamara’s book a thorough and intentional read。 Don’t read it in one sitting or even in one week。 Take time and try out the mindset/approach and adapt as any parent’s intuition will guide you。 。。。more

Shabir Brar ，

This book should be MANDATORY for every parent。 Revisiting every year or two as a reminder would also greatly benefit the parent and more importantly the children。

Reference

google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (Or Anyone Who Acts Like One)

hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (Or Anyone Who Acts Like One)&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft

The British Library https://bll01.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/search?query=any,contains,Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (Or Anyone Who Acts Like One)&tab=LibraryCatalog&search_scope=Not_BL_Suppress&vid=44BL_INST:BLL01&lang=en&offset=0